Dear Little Z man,
It makes me smile to see you, to look at you. You make me so very happy. I am so lucky to have you in my life. You are such a happy little boy. Most of the time. Of course you have your cranky moments. Who doesn't? I just wish, wish, wish you would sleep. Okay, you are not as bad as your older brother who only slept 1/2 hour each day and woke up frequently at night, but it still is rough. At least then, I only had one and I could sleep later and hold your older brother all day if necessary. I just cannot do it now. It's been over 5 years and I just cannot do it anymore. I am utterly exhausted from lack of sleep. You know, it's not normal to not have had a good night's sleep in such a long time. I know it's unfair, but unfortunately that's how life is right now. I realize it's hard for you to nap during the day with all the ruckus your brothers make. I also know that you are very entertained by your well-meaning brothers. They love you very much and I know they show you their love frequently. But what is up with the nighttime? Why are you waking up every hour on the hour nowadays? And waking up very upset, no less? It makes for a very, very tired mommy. And a very, very tired makes for a very cranky mommy. And that's not a good mommy. I am really trying my best, but my best is not good enough. But please know that I love you with all my heart and I will continue to tell myself that this, too, shall pass. That you'll be a big boy before I know it and I should treasure these moments as long as I can.
Love, Mommy
Dear LJ,
You are such a handsome little boy! I am not just saying so just because you look like me. ;) Seriously, you are sweet, polite and such a loving little boy. You are always telling me that you love me. I love hearing it. It makes me all warm and cuddly inside. I love the kisses you give me - so European, on both cheeks. And I love you so very much. I'm so sorry you are stuck being the middle child. From all accounts being the middle child is not fun. I will try my best to keep you from being the typical middle child and being lost in the shuffle. I think with your food allergies, it makes me focus my attention on you. Much needed attention. For my clueless little boy. Yes, you are such a clueless little boy. You are always just in the moment and when I tell you something, you forget it in the next second. But never forget for a moment, that Mommy loves you very, very much. Yes, I may seem very frustrated nowadays. Did I say nowadays? I know I've been frustrated for a long time now and I'm very sorry. It would help if you stopped screaming and crying at the drop of a hat. Your brother is not hurting you when he touches you. It's alright for you to tell him that shouldn't take the toy from you. You do not need to scream. You will wake up the baby! You are doing much better, though. Thankfully. Now if only you'd listen when I tell you to do something. That's not too much to ask for, is it? I also wish you would stop scratching yourself and causing yourself to bleed and scab up. Oh, and can you start potty training? That would be wonderful. Please stop being so stubborn about it. There's nothing wrong with going to the potty. You tell me you want to go to the preschool class with your brother, but you can't go unless you're potty trained. Going to the potty one time does not mean you are potty trained! Can you please make an attempt? That would make life so much easier on mommy. Thank you so much!
I do have to add that I am soooo super proud of the way you are in regards to your allergies. You never ever fuss about not being able to eat something. When I tell you that you are allergic to something, you accept it. You are so grown up about your allergies. You don't cry or whine about it. You simply say okay. It makes me so sad to see a little frown on your face sometimes. Your actions make me so sad and so proud at the same time. You are such a little man about it. I love when you say matter of fact-ly to me, "Mommy, you'll get me my special (fill in the blank with whatever food it is that I say you cannot eat.)" You even gone so far as to say that mommy will get you your special eggs. lol You are such a sweet boy! It makes me want to work extra hard to provide you with foods that you can eat, without thought to cost. And I do not want to give you false hope or make you think I think any less of you by saying "if only you didn't have such and such an allergy." You are who you are and we will make the best of it. Together.
Love, Mommy
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